Baba Sucks

A Fanboy's Prediction (satire)

Nintendo is keeping secrets for each day of the show with increasing hype levels each day until they reach a critical hype level, and then…

BOOM! Wii preorders go up and on inflated hype hysteria 30 million Wiis are preordered. Nintendo stocks surge on new analyst predictions, Nintendo eclipses both Sony and Microsoft in valuation, there is a minor stock sell off to generate some operating capitol. Global marketing starts and hip trendsters start talking about Wii.. Live Wii demos on MTV with Rapper 50 cent blastin off some caps, scoring points with all the kids who think they're baddddd ass! Preorders skyrocket some more after all this to 60 million just before launch…

Nintendo uses all this growth to put Wii into massive production and they reach a price point per console of about $85(average about $130 including early production) while selling them at $200, or 175 in unit's of 1000 to stores. Nintendo continues to sell the console at $200 for about 6 months reaching the 120 million console mark and then drops the price to $150(130 to stores). Sales surge to 180 million to close out the year… Nintendo becomes the most highly valued company in the world, with 386 million Wii in homes around the world, beloved by all except a few staunch PS3 supporters who are just too upset about spending $600 on a console that dies after 4 months.

Microsoft calls the Xbox a loss and shrugs. They sell their tech/licenses to Nintendo for just under $12 billion dollars. Nintendo assures everyone that future consoles will be backwards compatible with all systems except Sony's PS line.

It doesn't matter because 90% of developers license their games to be released via the next Virtual Console on the Megaton(codename of next Ninty). With nearly the entire PS1 2 and 3 lineup downloadable on the Megaton most people are entirely happy.

Sony makes one more attempt at the whole console thing, but it costs a staggering $1400 and looks remarkably like a PC. They claim new revolutionary technology such as It plays most PC games and uses a mouse and keyboard as input devices. Also it comes with it's own HIGH DEF viewing screen and totally hip "gaming desk".

Meanwhile the Megaton sells for $200 and is graphically superior with full immersion virtual reality which cost them nearly 20 billion to develop(a pittance). Miyamoto weeps tears of joy when relating the beauty of the Megaton's immersion technology. The world is astounded by the first demos in special trial stations shipped around the world. The experience cannot be shown through video.. It is simply the most amazing and immersive thing you will ever experience. The Megaton is renamed to the Nintendo Poo just prior to the recently renamed Nintendo E3 following in the Wii's footsteps. Nobody seems to mind though, because it's Nintendo. At the new Nintendo E3 event Nintendo reveals that they have bought much of the dark fiber around the world, and started laying their own lines to unconnected areas. Nintendo becomes a powerhouse in not only the entertainment field, but is now a major internet service provider and digital television provider. Using their vast network they and the Megaton… Sorry! Nintendo POO, teehee, Nintendo creates the first true metaverse. People around the world now exist as virtual entities.

There is slow but steady change in the world economy and culture. Nintendo says they just want people to have fun with their products, so continue to release kooky and addictive games, but they play a larger role as the major backer of this new technological leap.. continuing to develop their infrastructure and moving into more and more underprivileged areas of the world. The surge of money and information into so many struggling countries through the Nintendo Poo system lessens the gap between the third world and the world superpowers, Europe, North America, and Japan. Due to this sudden equalization, many of the worst exploitative and politically powerful companies start to lose hold of their highly profitable "third world" operations.

There is a huge shake up of global powers, with so much monetary support lost and society's perceptions changing, many world leaders find their approval ratings falling. There are riots in several major cities, and in one instance a mob in California storms the capitol and takes the Governor hostage for 6 days.. They don't really demand anything except "Change!" Many people are shocked by the act, but they agree that there should be change. Hastened by the ubiquitous Nintendo network, there is a sudden shift in the global population's trust in their governments.

The exact chain of events is not as clear, but as best can be learned from news coverage and blogs this is what happened; A group of people in Argentina seceded from their government and set up a virtual country hosted on their Nintendo Poo cluster. Basically setting up a virtual private network of Nintendo Poo systems, which was very common. Friends linked their Poos*snicker* all the time. It is believed the first 40 members of the virtual country, dissatisfied with their government, pooled their twenty-three Poos together to create one minor Poo network. The idea took hold rapidly, and within 2 months there were fourteen-thousand Poos in the network representing twenty-three thousand people who had sworn allegiance to this virtual country.

For the most part during those early months it was just a sort of giant Poo VPN, the largest private Poo network in the world, but they lacked any kind of true ruling body. After a year the the little Poo country had 680 thousand Poos in their private network. During the early stages the Poo country was just a giant social club, but the original founder's ideals were still held by a core group of early adopters. As the second birthday of the Poo country approached, the founders held a meeting with several of the inner core and came to a decision on the future of their network. They would make true on their claim of secession and require support of each member or they would face expulsion from the network.

By this time the network was approaching 12 million members, and the news hit like a shock wave. Complaints and cheers went up, and after the dust settled, 120 thousand members quit. The rest were given their notice, they had 6 months to decide.

The founding group and many of the early adopters, who had become quite rich as a product of their involvement with the large network, pooled their resources and purchased a medium sized island in the south pacific. There they set up the core of their Poo network.

As the deadline approached 490 thousand Poos had voiced support, representing 900 thousand people. The old group was disbanded. New networks tried to regain the audience, but none took off like the old network.

None of the members were asked to move to the island, but many did. A small tow was built around the main Poo building. The only requirement was that members resign their citizenship in in their own countries and declare their homes territories of the new country. Many people who did not live on their own property, instead moved into new communities. Communities mostly governed themselves, but the prevailing values were those of freedom of expression and equality. Through the network everyone was equal.

Most governments scoffed at the act, and refused to acknowledge them, but the communities grew locally as well as globally as more people saw what was happening. Soon, governments started to really take notice.

Several national guard units were sent in to one community in Texas to "restore order," but they were repelled by militia. The story went global, and as a product of the coverage hundreds of thousands of people, already discontented with their governments, pledged to the new country.

Several countries demanded that Nintendo disable the network of scattered country, but Nintendo refused to involve themselves in the political game. Several attempts were made to sever the communities from the network, but with wireless and even satellite coverage at nearly 100%, there was hardly even a hiccup.

Fences went up around several large communities in Europe and North America, with guards from those governments restricting travel between the two. They were still refused recognition, but nobody wanted the massacre of a war between the relatively small communities and their superpower neighbors. Instead, the blockade became a huge media frenzy with almost 24/7 coverage for months.

Communities continued to sprout up around the world, and the small country grew to 10 million by the end of their fourth year. When Australia joined the country in 2018, expanding the borders of the new country by 2,966,368 square miles. The the news rocked the entire global community, and what followed was a cascade of smaller states throughout Africa and Asia who joined the growing new country.

The Global super powers were in a state of panic, totally shaken by Australia's move, still refused to accept the new country that was creating new borders across the globe. The following months saw 160 million individuals join the growing world power. With the influx of new citizens, the new country had a population in excess of 400 million, and an economic footprint larger than all of the remaining United States and Europe.

California joined just one year after Australia, and then Alaska. The old super powers were crumbling, with parts of their nation just disappearing from day to day, off to join the new global community. In 2021 Nintendo themselves joined as a whole, 70% of their workforce and so much of their property land already part of the global community. It was not the huge news event it would have been years earlier, with nearly 40% of the world population having joined including Japan and most of Europe. In 2028, the last major holdout, the United States of America declared itself for the global community.

Future generations can hardly comprehend the world before Nintendo's network and the Poo that gave rise to complete globalization and a single world community. Nintendo continues to develop their network and the technologies that runs on it. As the single largest employer in the world, Nintendo is still just about fun. They design games, and the technology to run them…. True, as the global technology leader, they provide more than just games and small home consoles, but they remain true to their charter, fun and community.

Some people speculate that it was all part of their plan all the way back to E3 2006, global community and total technological dominance, but that's just a little bit far fetched if you ask me.